01
14-Step Research
Scrapes homepage, careers, pricing, blog. Runs 5 targeted searches. Reconciles every product line. Checks recent funding.
02
Steelmanned First
Forces the best possible argument the company survives AI before writing a word. The roast is about why even that fails.
03
The Irony Find
The roast isn't the problem. It's why their success is exactly their vulnerability. What they did right now works against them.
04
Calibrated Score
Five weighted dimensions. Multi-product discounts applied. Most companies 4–7. Reserve 8–10 for active commoditisation.